I sat down and thought about it.  I know I’m not ready to seriously date again.  I’m not.  I still long for the relationship I had with Gary and the type of man he was.  He was my lover, inspiration, confidant, my rock, and most of all he was my best friend.  I don’t think that is replaced easily….in fact, I know it isn’t.  I have found that I am happy at this moment in my life focusing on myself.  My education, weight loss, and being more centered is where my focus belongs.  If I am in balance, the rest of the world will take care of itself. 

I know I feel that sometimes I speak too much of Gary, but he was such a huge part of my life.  I don’t think I would be the person I am today if it had not been for him finding his way into my heart and my life. 

I have tried the dating thing…..I met a nice guy, but we weren’t in the same place on our paths.  I still remain friends with him and hopefully always will.  He is an amazing person, even if he sometimes doesn’t believe it.  I wish I could make him see himself through my eyes. There lies the problem.  Even though I can come across as sarcastic and bitter, I truly can always see the most magical part of someone and always try to find the inspiration in the situation.  Why wouldn’t you?  I just think my humor sometimes isn’t understood, and that’s okay, I’m not meant to be funny to everyone…..there’s this one guy in Jersey who doesn’t get it.

There are a few things that I desire in a partner.

Employed.  I want a man who understands that it takes work to make it. 

Intelligent. We have to be able to have a conversation..seriously, like between sex acts.

Passionate. I want to feel the passion when you kiss me….I want to feel you lose sense of the world outside because you and I are together and we are the only thing that matters.  I know this isn’t an instant thing, but the potential for it has to be there.            

Caring. I left a guy in a restaurant once because he was a dick to the waitress when it was unnecessary.   You do not need to berate someone, if you wanted to talk about the lousy service, find the manager and take him aside, it’s his job to fix it.

Compassionate.  I can’t go into the pet store if they have cats for adoption there, I’ll want to take them all home.

Adventurous.  I’m not going to sit on the couch and watch tv every weekend…..besides, who knows where that path over there goes and you’re never going to find out if you don’t go down it.

Problem Solver. Seriously, bitching fixes nothing.

I want a man who doesn’t get miffed if I grab his hand out of the blue when a song comes on and I want him to dance in the living room with me….just because.

I know he will come to me….it’s not my job to bring him, he will come.